History jokes
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
What do you call Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
The world's first microwaves.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
9/11, 911, same thing.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.