History jokes
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
Because they lost to Towers.
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.
Hitler: Kills himself.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.