Him jokes

Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.

With their brother.

Why did the author go to the emergency room?

His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

Hitler was the most handsome man alive.

Everyone died for him.

How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.