Him jokes

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.

*also him*

Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.

But the tree left him hanging.

Why is the orphan sad for dinner?

He has no one to eat with at the table.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...

Would you help him jack off the horse?