High jokes
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Why is the divorce rate among socks so high?
What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?
It left him hanging.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"
What’s an orphan's high school nickname?
Lone stone.
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.
An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.
Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.
Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?
Technoblade: Broke.
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?
He left him hanging.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.