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People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

All school meeting introductions:

Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

  • 5

    • Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?

    Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

  • 6

    • A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

    The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

    The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

    I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

    When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

    We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

  • 2

    • How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.

    Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

    They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

    The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.

  • 3

    • What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

  • 5