Elevation jokes

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

What's the laziest mountain?

Mount Ever-rest.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.

Yo mama so poor she walked into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.

Sometimes, stairs get me down.

How are mountains able to see?

They peak!

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!

Call me an elevator, because I let people down.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?

Diddler on the Roof.

Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.

What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?

The elevator can raise a family.

Why do orphans love elevators?

They raise people!

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.