Her jokes
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?
Raisin' her kids!
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
Why did Sophia cross the road?
To eat her nuggies!
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.
Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.