Her jokes

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

This is about Gwen.

I don't know her, but people are just causing too much drama over one person who never said one thing to them.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.

She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.

The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!

A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?

She was drunk.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.