Her jokes

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.

Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.

What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?

A MAGAzine.

What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸

cock teaser

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.

Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.