Her jokes

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.

Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?

A. An easy bake oven.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

What does a queen want on her cookie?

Royal Icing.

How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.