Her jokes

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?

They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.

Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."