Her jokes
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."