Her jokes

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

“No, it’s curry this time.”

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?

Raisin' her kids!