Her jokes

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Yo mama so ugly that when Hello Kitty saw her, she said, "Goodbye!"

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Yo mama is so ugly, her pictures hang themselves.

Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.