people say I should be proud of my autism but truth be told I'm only in it for the help in class
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was sad, so i called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor
Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot. Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again
Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay My sister has this crush and his name is Braylon so he text my sister saying he wants to hang out with her which I think means date so anyway I did this My text said "Hi braylon, I can't hang out today...or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" this is super wrong but funny! Braylon text back and said "Fine I can help" and I text back and said "Oh will come here around 10:00" And my sister did not know he was comeing....she was so embarrsed she was still in her night gown! HAHAHAH. O to the k bye thats the prankster!!!!
ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
i told my mom that i have a crush she replied with: "so u like girls" i said: "uhm no no no " BUT im lesbian someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse.
After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter.... ... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree? you cut the rope
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it....
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME Officer: you ok kid? Me: dont worry! hes my nephew, there was a big spider Officer: oh ok ma'am *walks off* When officer leaves: Me: *gets whip* what did I say about leaving the basement
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help
How do you help a starving cannibal You give him a hand
You're so fat when people see you running they can't help but yell out "keep running"
I’m lookin for some good jokes for the best song award can yall help a fellow at
I seen an orphan fall in the streets crying so i ran up to him and said "Are you okay where are your parent"
