Heard Jokes

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter. But i decited i didn't want to spread it

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.

I heard that my Crush got kicked in the Balls and when I thought of it...

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother "Mom can little girls have babies " his mom answered "of course not" a few minutes later his mom heard him shout to his friend "it's okay we can keep playing

So today i heard a friend say she had a stalker, i can confirm i ́ve never seen a stalker following her.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”

That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice'"

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin wall

It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese Restaraunt. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what is going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.