2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times
My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friends grandpa is in the house
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war
have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- he robbed children of their innocence
Question; Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism? Answer; Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
I heard that my Crush got kicked in the Balls and when I thought of it...
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Yo mama so stupid, that when she heard about cookies on the internet she ate her computer
Bf:roses are red violets are blue ur my bf and i luv you
Gf:i luv u too
Bf:but the roses are wilting the violets are dead i heard you were cheating ill knock off ur head
Gf:ah about that
Some say Stephen Hawkins was a genius but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesnt pay anymore.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.
A happy little girl was running on the grass, she saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space and she started crying, the two gay guys heard her crying and then they asked her: " why are you crying? ", the little girl answered: " this is the first time i see an unnatural nature " . 😂😂😂😂
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother "Mom can little girls have babies " his mom answered "of course not" a few minutes later his mom heard him shout to his friend "it's okay we can keep playing
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”
That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice'"
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "
