My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over and he is going to sleep over so I was happy. The next day I ask my mom wheres the dog at my mom ask me what dog. Then I said to my mom I heard Paul said do you want it doggy and you said yeah.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Ever heard of the currency TNT? All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black. I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh? Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
Unfortunately NASCAR has been cancelled. The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard the gunshots, he would’ve probably thought it was the ice cream truck
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator He’s used to penetrating aggressively
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?...... That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle
Why did the booty go to the party?
It heard it was a BASH
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?
Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?
Because he heard they had PHAT BASS
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne"
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high
