Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin wall
It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie It’s called finding chemo
So today i heard a friend say she had a stalker, i can confirm i ́ve never seen a stalker following her.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
..their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home. He'll probably leave her alone now. He doesn't eat vegetables.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself" He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! oh quin how was eating that tight butt must be nasty i heard u met from rear ending him
Why did helen keller's dog kill it's self? I would to if all I heard was daaaaaaah!
You've probably heard this one before but screw it
What's the difference between jesus christ and the kid I just killed Jesus christ probably died a virign
A retired george w bush is eating a donut 7/11 and looks at it "im so happy i did that' a guy over hears the conversation and says "your happy you bought that donut. Oh haha I would be too i love donuts!" george w bush then says "oh hahaha you caught me" and then says "you must of heard me wrong i said, im so happy i did 9/11"
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly officer I never heard her say no.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese Restaraunt. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what is going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut. We got his EpiPen to help him when penaldo appeared because he heard the word PEN. He tried stealing the pen but I said "no pens for you". And “brentford”.He cried and ran away. Shame on you penaldo the fraud.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
