Health Jokes

What does the beaten women do when she comes home from the hospital? dishes if she knows whats good for her health

Son:Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!

Mom:YOU HAVE CANCER?!

Son:Mom, as my zodiac symbol...

Mom:....

I made a AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very go chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com

timmy goes to the doctor and says theirs a crack in my butt doctor, Timmy their is a crack is everyone butt see

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

health commercials be like:

serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, Diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, Cancer, Diabetes, Aids, Clamedia, Lupus, Ebola, polio, Leprosy, Pulmanary edema, heart attack, heart falure, yellow fever, but worst of all DEATH

Me: Mom i think i need to go to the hospital ......Mom: OMG Why son ......Me: Idk whats wrong but everytime i close my eyes i can see

.....Think about it then spread LMAO

Why did the tamale go to the hospital. b/c estava malito :)

Se we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of "do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She herd this question to the point were she just says yes without hesitation. Once she had said yes, two kids int he back started laughing. Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you? Kid: Oh were not laughing at that. Kid_2: Were laughing at cancer.

What do you call a cat with a live in doctorz?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

A young woman goes for for her first gynecological exam and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute. The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful Vaginas he’s ever seen and he has seen Lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes num num num num num!!!