Health jokes
Back bent.
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
You're so skinny that you fall.
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
I have nut cancer...
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.