Health jokes
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.