Health jokes

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?

It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.

It’s called Finding Chemo.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

What do you call lesbian sex during their period?

A blood transfusion.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.