Health jokes
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
I heard Pixar is releasing a new movie.
It’s called Finding Chemo.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.