Health jokes

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

I pregnoot.

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?

WALKING!

Why did he go to the chiropractors?

To get his spine fixed.

Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.

Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

What do Africans eat for breakfast?

E-bola Cornflakes.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!