Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: broðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Keep yourself safe!
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
