Health jokes
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.
But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.