"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.
True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
Technoblade should have drank milk. Would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
I C U P works on 88% of people.
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
