What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid.
Health Jokes
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
