My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
When you breathe.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
