Health jokes
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
Zachary Disease Joke 🤣🤣🤣
https://youtu.be/xtmB7mZDYAs
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
What has legs but can't walk?
Don't know? A paralyzed person ;))
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂