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Health jokes

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

What is the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."