Guy Jokes

Guys what should i be for Halloween (aka tmr)?????????

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Ok I love reading freshfry's conversations with random people. I love the ones were he has a full blown talking battle. I personally like reading them and I love reading them on my chrome book while I play Call a Duty and Fortnite on my Xbox. If you guys out there like reading freshfry's conversations with random people just comment and tell me. Talk to you guys later watersharky out.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’

There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke." So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke." So the guy replies,

Ok. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies "Here you go."

So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So you get a new job, and here something about this guy named mike, The next day you go into the office and mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and Rainbows and stuff, then, a co-worker comes up and says "No one told you mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*".

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment...

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!” A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?” The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!” Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green." "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship." "You're very pretty for a Purple girl." "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!" "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people." "You 2-headed people are so stupid!" "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes." "Get out of my store you grigger!" "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

come on guys this is nasty he was my uncle ffs :(

Scratches on an icy road and kills or 50 people on the bus and when they get to heaven God feel so bad for them and grants them all one wish the first lady in the line was always worried about her looks so she wish to be beautiful and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to want to wish about so he also wish to be beautiful but this keep on going but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh when he got to God he said God says what’s what is your one wish my son I wish you can make them all ugly again

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk tp the nearest gas station a few miles back. One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.