Guy Jokes

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

If you guys are smart, you will get this.

The image shows a picture of Bad Luck Brian. The text above his head reads "GOES TO THE DOCTOR. READS THIS EYE CHART." Below, there's a visual of an eye chart, but instead of letters, it reads "P AY NOW ASYO UAREN OTGOIN GTOLIVE".

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?

The Oreo Gang!

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?

Depends how hard they blow out the candles.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"