Guy

Guy jokes

Lesbian

  • How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

    I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

  • 2
  • Prayer

  • A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

  • 2
  • Girl

  • Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

    Tall guy: "Who said that?"

    I spit my drink out and then ran away.

  • 1
  • Dad

  • This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

    Wood

  • A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

    The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

    Kid

  • Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.

    Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.

    Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

  • 1
  • Banana Peel

  • Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

    Snack

  • Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

    Girl: Your card got declined.

    Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

    Fist

  • I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

  • 0
  • Assault

  • A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.

  • 0
  • Canoe

  • A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

    One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

    The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

    And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

    The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

  • 0
  • Shot

  • Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

    Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

    Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

    Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

  • 0