Gun jokes
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Why did the boy shoot the clock?