Gun jokes
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!
Gunsalesman: No u
Guns control.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.