Grandma jokes

My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!