What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.
What comes after 69?
Period.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Finish the sentence.
Salt and Vi.....
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
