My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Grammar Jokes
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
Spell "I cup."
I C U P
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
What do 9-year-old girls want? To be ate again!
If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.
What comes after 69?
Period.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Finish the sentence.
Salt and Vi.....
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
