Grammar Jokes

The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.

What comes after 69?

Period.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

What were the emo kid's pronouns?

Was/were.

What starts with "N" and ends with "G?"

Nothing.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

What number is better than 69?

88 'cause you get ate twice.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Your Roblox friend counts to 10, but she doesn't count to "too." Then Roblox says: "Damn. Your Roblox friend can't count."

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

How does the non binary kill white en Amy?

They/them.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Say "I hate happiness" without the H (all of them).

What does an orphan's life and a pseudoword have in common?

They both have no meaning.