i went to see my dentist and she warned me it was going to hurt. then she told me she was having an affair with my husband. good news though...the cleaning didnt hurt.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
Why did the slave go to college? To get his master's degree.
mom tells her son to go to the other kid to walk to the kid just standing still to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car(but her son was blind the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap and the kid died because he couldn't hear he was deaf)
when you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live: "looks like I am going back to the future!"
School teacher: "Hey kid. why don't you just go home to your family?" Orphan: "My family never came back for me" School teacher: "Your daddy must of really needed that milk"
My dad went to go get milk, he came back 7 years later and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned
'...This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window.
"What's been going on John?"' I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!'
GO ON THE QUINTILLIONAIRE MORNING ROUTINE NOW!
1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Eat 4. Get out of bed 5. Have breakfast
A man found a chest full of gold so he went to go tell his wife only to remember why he was digging
Race car backwards is race car but if you turn race car sideways that’s how Paul walker go sent to gods inbox
wanna hear a plane joke. nah it'll just go over you head
How do you make a Suicidal guy go bungie jumping?
Tie the bungie cord around his neck.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
SO WHO DID IT the i.s.s teacher said. 1 hour before So let me ge............ Random person wait what you BROKE UP WITH HER. Me I SWEAR JHONNY THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUD INTO MY CONVERSATION SO..... HERE........ YOU........... GO *punches*
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato" and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayonnaise all over me.
STOP SAYING NEGATIVE SHIT ABOUT DARK HUMOUR JOKES!! IF IT BUGS YOU THAT BAD THEN GO AWAY!! THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING BUT WORLD HUNGER AND FAILED ABORTION
