Go jokes

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?

TripAdvisor.com

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.