Give jokes

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!

So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"

What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.

"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."

Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!

I don't give two shits about how evil these are. They're funny.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You give it a little boogie.

Armless child: Can you give me a hand??

Me: Ok.

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not adopted. My boyfriend is, and some of these are really mean because sometimes their parents give them up just because they're ugly or just because of their skin color. We should stop making fun of them, and yes, I do giggle sometimes, but they can be really hurtful sometimes.

Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"

To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."

Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."

The police said "How old are you?"

Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.

Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.

Really, then give me a pond of water.

Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?

He made her.

Me: Hi Jaiden.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.

Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.

Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*

Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.

FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.