Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not adopted. My boyfriend is, and some of these are really mean because sometimes their parents give them up just because they're ugly or just because of their skin color. We should stop making fun of them, and yes, I do giggle sometimes, but they can be really hurtful sometimes.
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?
He made her.
Remember the big forehead kid who said “Give me a knife, I’m going to kill myself” ? because of being bullied His head was to big to even exist, and that's why he's dead
Why did God give women legs? 1. To look at. 2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
When I am getting bore, I hold a banana start shaking suddenly it gives out juice after a few min I get excited ohhhhhhj.... Try with a cucumber
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free only fans so I don't touch the youth
Bo - hey kids I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power so I am just going to be a orphan *kids changing the channel to Annie* Annie- Tomorrow tomorrow only a day away * TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go Dezzy- WAAAAAAAAAA I can’t find Bo
Why are orphans always on the toilet? Because they don't have anyone to give him some toilet paper!
Ok,ok who is trying to be my "long lost brother" because last time i checked I didn't have any sisters or brothers so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up a lot of other people already know u are fake so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!
Me: can you give me some drum sticks to eat? Brother: Why though? Me: So I can just DRUM UP AN APPETITE
I like my wife like I like my coffee. So sweet, it gives me headaches.
The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say "Boy you Can Keep It"
if you get a apple a day what does it give you? Worms and rotten fruit
