My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back Apparently that’s insensitive to someone during chemo
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
