Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.