Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.