Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?

Down bad.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.