Girlfriend jokes

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.