Girlfriend jokes

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Because I'm a beta male simp.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.