Girlfriend Jokes

Girlfriend:I just lost 5 pounds! Me:How many makeup wipes did you need?

what's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant I asked the waiter "People under 12 eat free right" the water confirmed that yes people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "but I'm 13.

whats the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

there is no difference

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when i feed it to her? A miscarriage.

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend

As she saw it, she said "nevermind, just finger me"

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend so I fuck her, turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about. And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her but this time it was her Identical triplet. There 3 of them.... AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

You know why elmur fludd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods because bugs bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.

Mom: son where is my condoms son: what are condoms DAD: she puts it on me and the sandwich son: wait why did my girlfriend come over and take one dad: um I don't know but go to bed son: but it's 2:46pm in the afternoon bruh

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.

His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.

The guy left her and the owner made her leave.

3 guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet and the psycho one says "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have"

The first guy says "Ha! My girlfriend has 6! I'm racked up!" The second guy said "Eh, I am happy with 2 balls" The third guy said "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says "Bro you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?:

Boyfreaind- let go to bed Girlfriend- no Boyfriend- why Girlfriend-because you want sex Boyfriend- no i dont NEXT MINUT The nan could hear banging

Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We're sort of alike Me: We're not alike Brother because he's taken: cause you don't have boyfriend! My thoughts: You're right. Cause I have a girlfriend!

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any! Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

one day i caught my sister talking to my girlfriend and she said "you never told me your Lesbian" and i said "no,not at all" my girlfriend ask "why did you not tell her" and i said " because every time i bring a girl home i hear to much noise in her room and i never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash" and she said "yeah,the trash is her junk"