Girlfriend Jokes

So I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: not again brother I'm only 8

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one but relise she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much

your mom

I bet ur hairline gose inside ur private part and ur girlfriend can’t even touch it

what makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar? They can't stand up for themselves.

what's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

my girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a gluestick. she still isn't talking to me

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like. No, they will be wondering what I look like.

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend; and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

me: I have the body of a 28 year old her: prove it me: (opens freezer)

i will never forget my girlfriends last words..."get off of me STOP"*slurp*...Dead

my girlfriend's a two but she's turning 3 to tomorrow

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend he said " it's simple , she pushes all the right buttons "

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.

My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!