Gift jokes

What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

Answer: cancer.

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...

We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.

You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*