Gift jokes
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
You want to know why Santa brings such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.