Gift jokes
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Cherish you chocolate milk.
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.