Gift jokes
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."