Get jokes
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?
Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
Cause they about to taste my Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) Morbius (His name is Dr. Michael Morbius)
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
What do cheetahs do when they get a test?
They cheat!!!
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.