Get jokes
Why did the feminist get banned? For spreading conspiracy theories about the (non-existent) gender wage gap.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Cause they about to taste my Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) Morbius (His name is Dr. Michael Morbius)
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
What do cheetahs do when they get a test?
They cheat!!!
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.