Get jokes
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the other side.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?
Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."