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Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans always get an iPhone X?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Answer: Elephino.
Men
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!