Get jokes
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
Why do orphans always get an iPhone X?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.