What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
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If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?
What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why did the loo π½ roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
What music scares balloons?
Pop music.
Why would the banana scream "ouch?"
Because it is getting peeled.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
βThey are all very tearable,β he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because itβs the only love they get.
Whatβs the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Q: Whatβs the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
