Get jokes

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

Why are carpenters never horny after work?

Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

A. Cancer.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?

Cheater, cheater, woman beater!

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

Why don’t rappers ever get lost?

They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.

What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?

Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.