Get jokes

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?

Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the chicken coop?

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...

We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?

What music scares balloons?

Pop music.

Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

Because it is getting peeled.

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

I have a joke about death.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Think about it :)

If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.