Get jokes
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub? Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
How do you throw a space party?
You plan-et! Hahahaha, get it?
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Dark humor is just like water,
some people get it, some people don't.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!