Get jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

Trump built a wall that Mexicans can't get over it.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Why don't orphans get dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

Why can't you get water in the North Pole?

Because there is no well.

What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?

A gas grenade.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.

You go h dichotomy lol what do you want to what what’s the name for the address for sure what’s what I name it says I name it lol I don’t o I have to get r CB n nu set set e Okay okay I’ll be at my place.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple always gets picked.

What's the hardest part about making vegetable stew?

Trying to get the wheelchair to fit into the pot.