Get jokes

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

POV: You go to Asian prison.

You get served extra rice.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?

Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.

What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?

They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.

What do Woody and Hitler have in common?

Their bodies go limp before they get caught.

Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.

Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"

Poettschke: "Please get away from me."

What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?

A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.

What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Getting them back in the wheelchair.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️