Get jokes

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.

How did you get into the tampon 100?

Pull some strings!

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.

In tennis, 0 points is love.