Get jokes

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.

Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

When the class plays hangman, the emos get inspired!

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?

Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why is an orphan bad at tennis?

'Cause he couldn't get any love.

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.