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There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
wow
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.