Get jokes
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?
Hi.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
Memes
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
Why do gays get bad grades?
They don't get straight A's.