Get jokes

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

What's the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!

Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!

Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

So they have a place to hang the air freshener.