My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Get Jokes
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.
Yo, dad went to get milk and still hasn't came back 10 years later!
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.
Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Joe: Why?
Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Jimmy: Knock knock.
Joe: Who’s there?
Jimmy: It’s the chicken.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
