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Green Card

    • An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

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    • Get memes

    Rapper

    • Why don't rappers ever get LOST?

    Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).

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    • Minor

    • Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.

    What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.

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    • Wheelchair

    • So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

    He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

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    • Priest

    • What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

    The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

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    • Ice Cream

    • An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

    Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

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