I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?
A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).
Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee? Cause they don't know what a full house is :(
Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down, and she had two-fifty! Oh, what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
In a bowl of golden delight, I savored each bite so bright, The potato salad, oh so fine, Left me feeling oh so divine.
The diced potatoes, oh so neat, In a dressing so cool and sweet, With onions and eggs, a treat, My taste buds did dance and greet.
The mayonnaise, a creamy dream, With mustard's zesty scheme, Together they did blend so well, My senses did take a spell.
The herbs, a fragrant delight, Added flavor with their might, Parsley and dill, a perfect pair, In this salad beyond compare.
So here's to the potato salad, A culinary work of art, That left me full and satisfied, And in my heart, a special part.
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
