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How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?

They get jalapeño business.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

How are apples and orphans different?

Apples get picked.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.