Get jokes
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't want to get stuck in any more cracks!
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.
Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.
So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
How did Hitler get killed?
With a "NEIN" millimeter.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.